Edelgard Clavey
age: 67
born: 29th June 1936
first portrait taken: 5th December 2003
died: 4th January 2004,
at Helenenstift Hospice, Hamburg
Edelgard Clavey was an administrative assistant in the university’s psychiatric clinic. She has lived on her own since her divorce in the early eighties. She doesn’t have any children. From her teens she has been an active member of the Protestant church. For the past few weeks she has been bed-bound. "Death is a test of one’s maturity. Everyone has to get through it on their own", says Frau Clavey. "I want so very much to die. I want to become part of that vast extraordinary light. But dying is hard work. Death is in control of the process, I cannot influence its course. All I can do is wait. I was given my life, I had to live it, and now I am giving it back.
I’ve always worked hard, following a similar path to a nun: poverty, chastity, obedience. Now, I am no longer able to contribute anything to society and this pains me terribly. I do not want to be a financial drain on resources, yet another living corpse that is only a burden. I want to go, preferably immediately. Always be prepared, just like the boy scouts."
Heiner Schmitz
age: 52
born: 26th November 1951
first portrait taken: 19th November 2003
died: 14th December 2003,
at Hamburg Leuchtfeuer Hospice
Heiner Schmitz saw the affected area on the MRI scan of his brain. He realised immediately that he didn’t have much time left. Schmitz is a fast talker, highly articulate, quick-witted, but not without depth. He works in advertising. Everyone has to be on top form, on the ball. Normally. Heiner’s friends don’t want him to be sad. They try to take his mind off things. At the hospice, they watch football with him just like they used to do. Beers, cigarettes, a bit of a party in the room. The girls from the agency bring him flowers. Many of them come in twos, because they don’t want to be alone with him. What do you talk about with someone who’s been sentenced to death? Some of them even say ‘get well soon’ as they’re leaving. ‘Hope you’re soon back on track, mate!’
"No one asks me how I feel", says Heiner Schmitz. "Because they’re all shit scared. I find it really upsetting the way they desperately avoid the subject, talking about all sorts of other things. Don’t they get it? I’m going to die! That’s all I think about, every second when I’m on my own."
Maria Hai-Anh Tuyet Cao
age: 52
born: 26th August 1951
first portrait taken: 5th December 2003
died: 15th February 2004,
at Hamburg Leuchtfeuer Hospice
Maria Hai-Anh Tuyet Cao’s experience of dying would doubtless have been very different, had she not absorbed the teachings of the Supreme Mistress Ching Hai. The Mistress says: "All that is beyond this world is better than our world. It is better than anything we can or cannot imagine."
Mrs Cao wears the portrait of the Mistress round her neck. Under her guidance, she has already visited the afterlife in meditation. Her call to the next world cannot be far off: her pulmonary alveoli are failing. Yet she appears serene and cheerful. "Death is nothing", says Mrs Cao. "I embrace death. It is not eternal. Afterwards, when we meet God, we become beautiful. We are only called back to earth if we are still attached to another human being in the final seconds." Hai-Anh Cao prepares for this moment every day. She wants to achieve a sense of total detachment at the moment of death.
Wolfgang Kotzahn
age: 57
born: 19th January 1947
first portrait taken:15th January 2004
died: 4th February 2004
There are colourful tulips brightening up the night table. The nurse has prepared a tray with champagne glasses and a cake. It’s Wolfgang Kotzahn’s birthday today. “I’ll be 57 today. I never thought of myself growing old, but nor did I ever think I’d die when I was still so young. But death strikes at any age.”
Six months ago the reclusive accountant had been stunned by the diagnosis: bronchial carcinoma, inoperable. “It came as a real shock. I had never contemplated death at all, only life,” says Herr Kotzahn. “I’m surprised that I have come to terms with it fairly easily. Now I’m lying here waiting to die. But each day that I have I savour, experiencing life to the full. I never paid any attention to clouds before. Now I see everything from a totally different perspective: every cloud outside my window, every flower in the vase. Suddenly, everything matters.”
Clara Behrens
age: 83
born: 2nd December 1920
first portrait taken: 6th February 2004
died: 3rd March 2004
Klara Behrens can tell that she hasn’t got much longer. “Sometimes, I do still hope that I’ll get better,” she says. “But then when I’m feeling really nauseous, I don’t want to carry on living. And I’d only just bought myself a new fridge-freezer! If I’d only known...”
It is the last day of February, the sun is shining, the first bluebells are flowering in the courtyard. “What I’d really like to do is to go outside, down to the River Elbe. To sit down on the stony bank and put my feet in the water. That’s what we used to do when we were children, when we went to gather wood down by the river. If I had my life over again, I’d do everything differently. I wouldn’t lug any wood around. But I wonder if it’s possible to have a second chance at life? I don’t think so. After all, you only believe what you see. And you can only see what is there. I’m not afraid of death. I’ll just be one of the million, billion grains of sand in the desert. The only thing that frightens me is the process of dying. You just don’t know what actually happens.”
Walter Wegner
age: 81
born: 18th December 1923
first portrait taken: 1st December 2003
died: 13th March 2005
In November 2003 Walter Wegner moved into the hospice. He no longer wanted to be a burden to his lady friend at home. He has brought his electric organ with him, “but it’s hardly worth me practicing any Christmas carols: I’ll be dead by Christmas.” But things turn out differently. He’s still there on New Year’s Eve.
“I came here to die," he says morosely. “So why aren’t I dead yet?”
Wegner lives to see the spring, as well as the following autumn. His partner’s visits become increasingly rare. On Christmas Eve 2004 he plays “Silent Night“ for the others. On a Monday in March 2005 one of the nurses says to him: “You’ve been with us for over a year now. You’ve recovered so well, this is no longer the right place for you. We’re going to have to ask you to move out soon.“ Wegner flourished in the hospice, he is afraid of the residential care home. He asks his partner: “Can I come home?” She refuses.
Walter Wegner dies five days after the conversation with the nurse.
http://www.noch-mal-leben.de/exponateenglisch.html
- Citation :
- Life Before Death
noch mal leben:
portraits of the dying
photographs by
Walters Schels
texts by
Beate Lakotta
Few experiences are likely to affect us as profoundly as an
encounter with death. Yet most deaths occur almost covertly, at
one remove from our everyday lives.
Death and dying are arguably
our last taboos – the topics our society finds most difficult. We
certainly fear them more than our ancestors did. Opportunities to
learn more about them are rare indeed.
This exhibition features people whose lives are coming to an end.
It explores the experiences, hopes and fears of the terminally ill. All
of them agreed to be photographed shortly before and immediately
after death.
The majority of the subjects portrayed spent their last days in
hospices. All those who come to such places realise that their lives
are drawing to a close. They know there is not much time left to
settle their personal affairs. Yet hardly anyone here is devoid of
hope: they hope for a few more days; they hope that a dignified
death awaits them or that death will not be the end of everything.
The photographer Walter Schels and the journalist Beate Lakotta
spent over a year preparing this exhibition in hospices in northern
Germany. They made portraits of 26 people who were very close to
death. The exhibition articulates the experiences, hopes and fears of
the dying, and gives them one more opportunity to be heard.
Photographs: Walter Schels
Born in 1936, and living in Hamburg, Germany, Walter Schels is best
known for his photographic character studies.
Text: Beate Lakotta
Beate Lakotta, born in 1965, is an editor of the science section of Der
Spiegel news magazine. She lives in Hamburg, Germany.
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